A Tribute to My Favorite Pantries

I never forget a good pantry. Especially growing up when I'd spend days, nights and even weeks and friends' and family members' houses - we'd always get to the pantry at least once every few hours.

Or maybe I'm just a fat ass whose life is run by food.

Nevertheless, here is a list of the best patries I remember:

Grandma Mimi
She really didn't have a wide variety of foods, but I'll tell ya one thing: there was never a shortage of chocolate licorice. That shit is the fucking CHRON-IC. And I think my brother and I must be the only people in the world who have actually eaten chocolate licorice our whole lives. When we tell our friends about it, they think we're nuts. But we didn't care, because we'd polish off a 2 pound bag of that stuff in 30 minutes. 45 tops.

Grandma Dottie
You never knew what to expect in this pantry because my Grampa was in the wholesale business and he always brought home samples of cookies, candies and potato chips you've never heard of. It was completely random and disorganized. But there were always a few staples that Dottie just had to have: Cheetos, M & M's (both regular and peanut), Cashews and Shredded Wheat Cereal.

Andrew
Andrew's pantry was every 9 year old kid's dream come true. He had every cereal, every sugary snack and Pringle flavor you could imagine. And you could eat whatever you wanted. Seriously, he told me that once. I remember I was sitting around the kitchen, eyeing the pantry when Andrew said, "If you ever want something from the pantry, you can just take it! My mom goes to the store every Friday." No fucking way. You will be my best friend forever.

Robbie
Honestly, his pantry pretty much sucked ass. It smelled like a fiber factory, if that actually exists. But every time I went over there, there never failed to be at least three cans of Spaghetti-o's sitting on the bottom shelf. And we all know those things are the SHIT. Sometimes Robbie would even have the cans sitting out for me when I came over. Now that's a good friend right there.

Roger
When I was in college I used to visit my friend Roger a lot. His pantry had the typical college stuff: condiments, beer, tobasco and lots of Hebrew National Hotdogs. I'd never eaten that type of hotdog before, so I was pleasantly suprised when I ate my first dozen in one night. Yeah, that's how good they are. 12 fucking hot dogs in one night. Man, those were the days.

So those are my favorite pantries. Good times. But now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go drink a Slim Fast shake. Because I am one fat loser.

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THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM STUFF I'VE DONE

Food runs my life.