Kindergarten Rules

I always remember Kindergarten. Here are some of my fondest memories...

Going to "enrichment classes" at noon where we had more fun stuff to do outside of class. I I learned how to tie my shoe. Boy 1985 was a great year.

Sucking all the salt off my pretzels and my teacher would say it was gross and I said, Hey, it's delicious! Back off!.

Raising my hand for questions I didn't know because I just wanted to participate.

Flicking a kid named Matt in the ear and getting in trouble for it, after which my parents got really upset and when we went out for pizza, they yelled at me.

Having a tasting party and eating the first (and last) green olive of my life, which ultimately made me GAG.

Telling Chuck Lasky - who was a big dork - that I didn't want to play because I had "homework to do." Dude, who the hell has homework at 5 years old?

Getting yelled at by my teacher in the MIDDLE OF CLASS to "stop playing with my penis." God damn that was humiliating.

Missing school on February 14th, 1986 (my 6th b-day) because it snowed, and I was pissed because I didn't get to go to school on my b-day, which every kid knows is the best day EVER.

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THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM STUFF I'VE DONE

Kindergarten rules.