Hey, Skinemax is better than nothing

The best part about surfing the channels before you go to bed is trying to guess which movies are B-rated pornos, solely based on their titles. In the past few weeks I've noticed several common words and phrases used by almost all of these Skinemax "adult situations" flicks. Here they are:

• Liasons
  
• Passion
  
• Diaries
  
• Desires
  
• Any type of "cove"
  
• Hotel

But those are just the titles. When you actually watch these movies, it's even funnier because they are more entertaining then they are arousing. For example, this weekend I watched Golden Globe nominee "Spiderbabe." I actually Googled the film and here's the blurb from the back of the tape:

"From the team that brought you LORD OF THE STRINGS and CARLITO'S ANGELS comes SPIDERBABE, a racy superhero spoof full of scantily-clad women and outrageous visual effects! Patricia Porker (Misty Mundae) is a shy college girl whose life is changed forever when she is bitten by a genetically-engineered spider and turned into a wall-climbing freak with superhuman strength! Calling herself SpiderBabe, she uses her newfound powers to fight crime in New York City. But it won't be easy--she also has a new arch-nemesis: The Femtilian, a sexy and evil genius hell bent on world domination."

There were two stand-out scenes to this movie. The first was when Spiderbabe and her arch-nemesis, "Femtilian" meet each other in one of those typical dark alley showdowns. After several minutes of exchanging deathly blows back and fourth, they realize that their strengths are evenly matched.

And then they have sex.

You gotta love that.

Then there's a scene when Spiderbabe is hanging upside down from a building (a la Toby Maguire) when handsome college quarterback "Rick" passes by. After revealing to Spiderbabe his true feelings, she decides to reward him by blowing him in the middle of the street - upside down! Now who wouldn't want to seen Kirsten Dunst do THAT?!

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THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM STUFF I'VE DONE

Porn is like pizza: even when it's bad, it's still good.