Fuckin' old people

So I'm sitting at TGI Friday's with my dad last night. Coincidentally, my grandparents and another couple happened to be leaving the restaurant right as we walked in.

I kissed my grandparents hello. Then my grandmother introduced me to Gladyis and Harry. After no more than 30 seconds, Gladys comes right out and says to the group, "I should set him up with my granddaughter."

"Oh yeah! Great idea."

Listen old lady, you just met me. You don't know shit about me.

"You should call her," she said.

"Well, is she a red head?"

"No, she's blonde. But she's gorgeous."

Sure she is. Every grandmother thinks her 25 year old granddaughter is gorgeous. I mean, what's she gonna say, Well, she's got a fat ass, hairy arms and a moon face, but you two would get along great...?

No way.

"Sorry Gladys, I only date red heads." (Which isn't entirely true, but it's certainly a preference.)

"Well, it doesn't really matter anyway, she's in Spain right now..."

Then why the FUCK would you even say something?! God, it's like old people just HAVE to be matchmakers all the time. Reminds me of when my Aunt and Uncle tried to hook me up with this chick, Sandy, for like 4 years. They kept hyping her up as this smart, funny, charming girl who was, of course, "gorgeous."

Yeah, then I met her in person under duress of my uncle. Gorgeous my ass. She was "cute" at best. The shape of her booty looked like a blind 5 year old trying to draw a hexagon freehand. Although she was nice.

Anyway, Gladys, Harry and my grandparents said to goodbye to my dad and me, but not before Gladys could say, "Well, if you ever change your mind - give me a call."

Sure. Will do.

Fuckin' old people.

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THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM STUFF I'VE DONE

From now on, I'm telling old people that I'm gay.