Fireworks: The Silent Killer

Are fireworks illegal?

I only ask because it seems like some areas are stricly against fireworks; while others don't seem to mind. It reminds me of a 4th of July party I attended several years back at Mizzou (Univeristy of Missouri at Columbia.) Alexis had this huge BBQ at her house. Most people brought beer and weed. I brought fireworks. Well, actually it was just one firework - but it was a biggie. One of those boxes of 36 little rockets that took like 3 minutes to completely finish. It was awesome.

So I'm sitting out by the curb at about 2 PM, ready to set this bad boy off. "Everybody check this shit out!" I yelled.

I lit the wick. And when it got close to the base, each of the torpedos began to shoot up into the air with a fizz, smoke and crackle into the Columbia sky. It was beautiful. All 30 of my drunken friends watched and cheered in awe as hundreds of hours of illegal Chinese child labor exploded into the atmosphere.

When the last torpedo was done, everyone clapped. We high fived each other at the site of the best 15 bucks I'd ever spent.

Then about 2 minutes later we saw a fire truck coming down the street.

Oh fuck.

It pulled up right in front of Alexis's curb. The Cheif - dressed in his uniform and all - stepped down from the truck and walked up on the grass.

"Whose house is this?"

Nobody moved.

"I said 'who lives here?'" insisted the Chief.

"Umm...that's me. I'm Alexis. This is my house."

"Well ma'am, are you aware that it's illegal to shoot off fireworks in this district?"

"Uhh...well...we didn't realize..."

"Look, here's the deal. If I see another firework come from this house, it's a $1000 fine. Ok?"

"Ok sir, we understand. Sorry about that."

As the fire truck pulled away, Alexis looked back at me with one of the great death stares I've ever seen.

And I was like, whatever dude, that was fucking awesome.

It really was. I kick ass. Fuck the fire chief!

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THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM STUFF I'VE DONE

I'm proud to be an American.