That's the LAST time I ask a stripper to make change

I only had five bucks left and we were ready to get the hell out of the strip club. So I figured, what the hell - I'll just throw all five bucks down and get a nice, long table dance.

The stripper took one look at my five, sached over to me and started dancing. Unfortunately, she wasn't even that cute. And I think I saw some pimples on her ass. So it kind of pissed me off when, after about 15 seconds, she opened her g-string and asked for a tip.

That's all!? I thought.

I gave her a puzzled look and said, "Um...I was expecting a little more than THAT for 5 bucks!"

"Honey, I've done a LOT more for a LOT less," she said.

"Well in that case, do you have change for a five?" I asked.

And I swear to you, I've never seen a more terrifying death stare in my entire life. The stripper looked like she was ready to take off that 5 inch clear glass high heel and stab me in the eye, a la Single White Female.

Realizing the stupidity of such a remark, I did my best to transition from complete and utter objectification and humiliation...to humor.

"Oh I'm just kiddin' baby!" I said with a fake laugh. "Here ya go! Thanks."

Still wearing the death stare on her face, she grabbed my five, walked off stage and began talking to one of the bouncers.

"Dude, I think we should probably go." I said. "I might have pissed off one of the strippers."

So we got the FUCK outta there! (And never went back.)

Until the next weekend.

But at least the next time I brought some ones.

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THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM STUFF I'VE DONE

Unless they're totally coked out of their minds, strippers have feelings too.